Articles from Q. William Bacon

Winged Buffalo God Descends upon T.G.I. Friday's

NATICK, Massachusetts - As was prophesied in the Ago Times, the great winged buffalo god, Catoplebas, was awakened from a thousand-year slumber by the myriad wailing of small buffalo who had been de-winged. Continue reading

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Wikileaks Posts Secret Hot-or-Not Ratings of World Leaders

WASHINGTON - "Angela Merkel is risk-averse and rarely creative, but get her in a strapless evening gown and she's the Bavarian Alps!"... Continue reading 

Kim Jong-il Wins Kim Jong-il Prize for Poetry

Democratic People's Republic of North Korea is proud to announce that esteemed Council for the Arts has awarded coveted Kim Jong-il Prize for Poetry to Kim Jong-il for seventeenth consecutive year. Continue reading

Sour Economy Forces Elderly Brothers Back to Work

"Davy and I were ready to settle into a comfortable retirement," says Charles, age 75. "But then the recession hit... Continue reading

Hollywood, 1954

Imagine if you will the first date between two young talents, Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bozo the Clown, destined for fame, on the brink of the golden age of television, popular culture, and America’s ascendancy. Continue reading

Remembering 1964

After the assassination of John F. Kennedy, the American public realized that no celebrity was safe... Continue reading

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The Stars!

I’m at a hotel high in the Hollywood hills. I’m hanging upside-down on the exercise bar but I can still reach down and type on my laptop. Continue reading 

Mark Zuckerberg’s Social Network

His classmates go by on the carousel,
they go by on the roller rink,
they go by on the ferris wheel. Continue reading

Mixed Media: An Elegy

The preserved body of Andy Warhol stands at the entrance of the MIT Media Lab. Following instructions in his will, Andy was embalmed with neon... Continue reading

Reagan

Throughout the 80s, the public was told that the several minor surgeries Ronald Reagan underwent... Continue reading

Oliver Sacks and the Mystery of Osteolexosis

Osteolexosis (OL) is a sudden, catastrophic neurological dysfunction of the elderly that leaves the body of the victim completely paralyzed, frozen in the contorted shape of a letter of the alphabet. Continue reading

A New Periodic Table

CHEMICAL ELEMENT NAME CHANGES THAT STRIKE BACK AT WESTERN HEGEMONY OVER THE PERIODIC TABLE (AND THE IMPLIED WESTERN OWNERSHIP OF THE ELEMENTS THEMSELVES) Contunue reading

This Medication May Have Some Side Effects

You may experience some side effects when taking this medication. Continue reading

Missing Miley Cyrus Song Discovered

HOLLYWOOD - A song that was recorded by Miley Cyrus but not included in an album has been leaked to this reporter. Continue reading

House Fire Claims Four Lives

INTERNATIONAL CITY, Michigan - At 10:51pm last night, emergency operators were contacted by a man who saw smoke and flames at his neighbor's house. Continue reading

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